THE SUCKER PUNCH

(Image: Getty)

The hospital waiting room was a little musty: the smell of dust covered the environment, a clear indication that harmattan was in the air. I could feel the tension in both our minds as I held tight to her hands and watched nurses walk around with files. We could see through the almost fallen window through to the laboratory where our blood samples were being screened.

...the Government has not done enough I whispered.

Across the room sat a man, I could guess he was in his late twenties,  just like myself. He wore a disturbing look,  his eyes were pale from worry, he sat with his face in his palms and was lost in thoughts,  clearly,  he was here for the same purpose as us. A nurse walked towards him,  tapping life into him with her hands,  she handed him an envelope and escorted him to the counsellor.

Her grip tightened against mine,  in spite of the quiet hospital,  our thoughts were loud enough to fill a room. Doris,  yes,  my fiancée Doris and I had finally decided to live together,  forever. Doris was in her early twenties,  I called her my crown. We had met in a church fellowship where I was literally dragged to by my university roommate; she led the choir and it was as though I stood in the presence of God and an angel. I knew there and then that after sorting myself out of school,  after getting a job in all of the country's hardship, after running around many women in the past,  I was going to settle down here and marry Doris when the time came.

As if the angels chorused my Amen with me,  the black beautiful Doris with soulful eyes and calmness in speech found her way to my reach, she was everything I saw when I heard her voice. And after wooing her for months with my constant presence in the fellowship to prove I was ready to be her man, low-key all I wanted was to be in her presence engulfed in her timeless voice of worship and the long walk to the female hostel where we held hands and I made her laugh to expose her perfect dentition,  she finally agreed to be my girlfriend.

"Jackpot!"

That's what my friends told me I won.  I knew nothing else,  or that Doris was the "Man to her Woman". I loved to watch her express herself and she did so effortlessly. I had landed myself a perfect gift, I silently thought,  and nothing in heaven or on earth could separate us I concluded.

As expected, Doris and I talked about sex and I was contented with having a perfect friendship and relationship with her that I agreed we were not going to have sexual intercourse before marriage.

It was a hard decision to make as I had already been sexually active, plus I was the cute guy and the ladies fantasy so I had advances on a daily. But I was ready to work it out and be responsible. Many years had passed and Doris agreed to be my wife, we just needed to take the necessary tests and go further with our wedding plans.

*****

I squeezed her hands again,  this time lifting them to my lips,  I kissed them and blew warm air into them to assure her of my presence and warm her from the harmattan cold and air conditioner that blew in 18° Celsius.

A nurse came in with three envelopes, mine was the first,  followed by my fiancée's,  we were asked to see the same counsellor since we came in as a couple. Fear rapidly ran through my veins but I summoned courage to tell her we will be fine,  she smiled in acceptance.

We walked into the room; the counsellor, warm and receptive, offered us a seat and collected the envelops from my hand. At that instance,  I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind:  the fear especially,  that the outcome of these results might take my Doris from me.  I was certain about her,  I knew hers was an express negative,  she deserved it.

Me,  I couldn't say the same about myself.  I had engaged in unprotected sex severally and the thought of going for a test before now never interested me.  I was scared of the outcome first and then again,  HIV and AIDS had become a distant story,  it was easier to see people dying of hepatitis, gun violence, accidents and other sicknesses,  it seemed like HIV now had a cure or it had hidden it's shameless face into extinction. But sitting face to face with a result I couldn't interpret,  it dawned on me that every thing mattered,  I was going  to loose the love of my life,  the one person I loved more than life itself, I would forever live on drugs and if ever I became a burden,  I'd rather commit suicide.  The disappointment was weighing on me already,  I was convinced that if between us,  one of us had the disease,  It had to be me, me alone and my carelessness.

I did not realise I was far gone in thoughts till I raised my head up to see tears flowing down my fiancée's face,  the counsellor reached out to me and placing his hand on mine told me calmly,  to be careful and make a wise decision since I was negative and my wife to be was positive.

In shock,  my face immediately turned towards Doris,  she was already screaming at the top of her voice attracting nurses and sympathisers alike,  still in shock I could see that the seat we sat on in the reception had already been occupied by an older couple and already,  there were whispers going around.  I could tell they were all talking about us,  but I cared less.  I just wanted to understand what was going on,  and why everything was happening so fast in my trance.

****

It was just once, she tried to explain.  Just once, she emphasised motioning with her hand. She broke down again weeping uncontrollably. I was still speechless,  I didn't know what was going on,  all I understood was the regret in her voice and the results in our hands.

-Ukung Iye Alawa